Archive for the 'Conversation' Category

When you meet people for the first time it’s always nice to make eye contact and smile. It’s a simple courtesy and leads to a relaxed conversation. If you tend to be a shy person, this may be somewhat difficult for you. You may tend to look down or away when greeting someone. This can break the conversation right away.

In his book, How To Connect In Business In 90 Seconds Or Less, Nicholas Boothman offers a really simple solution to the problem. When you meet or greet someone for the first time, just make a mental note of their eye color. This simple technique is amazingly effective. If you are looking for their eye color you’ll automatically make eye contact for a second or two.

I have found this works well one on one and is also effective in small groups. It really helps build rapport when giving a speech or presentation as it lets the audience member know that you are paying attention to them.

I speak quite often to groups of 10-20 people in Toastmasters. When I use this technique to make eye contact as I scan the room, I pause just long enough to build rapport with each audience member.

When you first try this you may find yourself saying blue, green, brown, etc in your mind, but you’ll find it soon becomes natural and is an easy habit to develop. It’s a simple exercise but you’ll notice the difference right away.

Try it in your next small group speech or presentation. Instead of an impersonal gaze over the room, if you make eye contact, you’ll find that you’ll build almost instant rapport with your audience. They will pay better attention to what you are saying and it may keep them awake after that long lunch.

April 1st, 2008 marks our three year anniversary here at Success Begins Today. It has been a fun and exciting journey so far and we have met many great people along the way. I want to thank all of you who visit here regularly for your support and feedback.

I also want to say “Thank You,”  to all of my blogging mentors who keep the conversation going and keep raising the bar on what can be done with this web based conversation tool called a blog. There are so many of you now that it would take two pages just to list all the names. Thanks for the persistence to keep writing!

Here is to a great 2008!

Cheers!

John Richardson

It’s Monday morning.

Time to face a new week.

There will be problems and there will be opportunities.

New faces will appear.

Old friends will call and e-mail.

There will be things to buy and money to be spent.

It’s nice to make a list at the beginning of the week.

Of places to go, people to see, problems to solve, opportunities to discover.

Maybe I can put three things on that list that might make a difference…

I will write down… I will talk to someone new today and put a blank next to it.

I will write down a problem that I’m facing and put an action step next to it.

I will write down an opportunity and put down a first step to accomplish it.

Three simple things in a simple list…. hmmm maybe four.

I’ll write down a name of someone to call and encourage today.

Make a list, check it twice, call someone up and say something nice….

Listening is a skill that we develop. Done well it can increase knowledge, build relationships, and generate ideas. Done poorly it can lead to a breakdown in loyalty and respect. We are all in situations everyday where we must listen to others. It may be our spouse or kids, it might be a boss or co-worker, or it may be an important customer or supplier.

John Maxwell, in his book Becoming A Person of Influence, gives us 9 things we can do to become more accomplished listeners.

1. Look At The Speaker: True listening is giving the other person your undivided attention. It means turning off the TV, putting down the newspaper, and focusing on what the other person is saying.

2. Don’t Interrupt: Show respect to the other person by not interrupting. Most people react poorly to being interrupted in the middle of what they are saying. If you step on their ideas it’s like stepping on their toes.

3. Focus On Understanding: Listen with your eyes to pick up both content and feelings. Show empathy and acceptance and focus on the message and a possible message behind the message.

4. Determine The Need At The Moment: Is the other person sharing with you to receive comfort or do they want you to solve the problem? Are they just venting or are they trying to persuade you to do something? You may find the other person’s needs may not match your expectations. Finding the person’s current need will help you put the conversation in the proper context.

5. Check Your Emotions: Do you become highly emotional during certain conversations? If so, check your emotions and let the other person finish explaining their point of view or ideas before you respond. By taking a deep breath or counting to ten before responding, will let you more clearly express your ideas.

6. Suspend Your Judgment: As John says… you can’t jump to conclusions and be a good listener at the same time. Take the time to hear the whole story or you may miss an important point.

7. Sum Up At Major Intervals: Comment on what is being said and craft the response in a personal way. Sum up what is being said at regular intervals. As the speaker finishes a subject replay their major points before going on to the next one and make sure you understand the message.

8. Ask Questions For Clarity: In your conversations ask follow up questions and seek clarification. Become a good reporter. If you ask in a caring and non-threatening way, you’ll find the other person will open up and share their experiences with you.

9. Always Make Listening Your Priority: No matter how busy you become, remember the importance of being a good listener. Focus on what the other person is saying and hear them out.

In my years that I spent in sales I quickly discovered the key to increasing sales was to become a better listener. When I would listen and ask follow up questions I could find out what my customer truly needed. It was then much easier to offer products and services that matched their needs.

In our early years of marriage my wife and I attended a weekend marriage conference. In those three days I learned to truly listen to my wife. By becoming a better listener I became a better husband. I can truly say that heartfelt and focused listening is the key to a happy marriage.

Focus on these tips in your next conversation. You’ll be amazed at the results.

Technorati Tags: Listening, John Maxwell,

I was tagged the other day by Liz Strauss over at Successful Blog with the question… Why on earth Do You Blog? This is an important question as I spend quite a few hours a week in the blog-o-sphere reading, writing, and exchanging ideas. Blogging to me is about community and communication. It’s listening to others, forming my own opinions and communicating my thoughts with others.

I think a great blog post is like a great speech. It should have four components to communicate properly… Head, Heart, Hands, and Humor. Think about the following items and you’ll see what I mean..

1. Head: A great post should make you think. This can be some new ideas or a compelling story. Regurgitated facts and figures don’t work well here. The ideas may be controversial, contentious, or even down right crazy. But they make you think, and that’s what draws people in.

2. Heart: When you add feeling to the equation you add heart. A compelling blog post may leave you feeling happy, sad, or even mad. You may not agree at all with the author or be drawn in with overwhelming emotion. If there is no passion in the post, you’ll quickly click elsewhere.

3. Hands: Does the post ask you to do something… to take action? A great post always closes the sale. The action may be to donate money, write a letter, or click a link. It may come in the form of changing your thinking or taking action to solve a problem. If a post is truly powerful it will ask to to make a difference and act.

4. Humor: A little humor goes a long ways. If we take ourselves too seriously we risk alienation. Is there a sentence or two in a post that brings a smile? Can we take the serious and lighten it up with some levity? Adding some wit, comedy, or even a little absurdity will make even the toughest pill easier to take.

I know of five blogs that exemplify these ideals. So Kim, Marco, Dwayne, Dave, and Deb, I would like to know why you blog?

August has been a busy month here at Success Begins Today. It’s back to school time and that brings a lot of busy work getting everything ready for a new year. I find my chunks of writing time have become shorter and less frequent. This always presents itself as a quandary… should I wait and write a thoughtful and thorough post or should I just put my thoughts up quickly and run with them.

I think many bloggers face the same problems… I’ve noticed over the past year that many of my favorite blogs go through spurts of activity followed by long drought periods. Exceptions abound and I’m always amazed at the bloggers who can find the time to post often and in some cases multiple times a day.

One of my new blogger discoveries is Liz ME Strauss over at Successful Blog. She is an amazing writer and has the unique talent of being a blogger “Sparkplug.” She has a blog that elicits more comments than any other I have ever visited. She does “open mic nights” where she turns her blog into an open forum with comments coming fast and furiously. The other night she logged over 400 comments in an evening… wow. Even the best comment spammers would have a hard time matching that feat.

Liz wrote me the other day and called this blog a S.O.B. I was taken back a little until I realized that SOB stood for Successful and Outstanding Bloggers. I am humbled by her award and hope to follow her lead and keep improving the content here and upgrading the usability of this site.

She has an interesting article about writing today on her blog and I want to pass along an excerpt. She says…

Write to an audience of one. Imagine that audience is someone intelligent who shares your passion for what you are writing about, but doesn’t know the subject as well as you do.

Writing will never be easy, but it doesn’t have to be overly hard either. I still love the quote that can’t be attributed

I hate writing. I love having written.

This is so true. As Author William Zinsser explains in his famous book, “On Writing Well,” that no matter how long we do it…writing is hard.

It’s always nice to meet someone like Liz who has a passion for writing. When the words don’t come, I can always tune into her blog for inspiration!

Be sure to check out her open mic nights and be part of the conversation.